i'll follow you into the dark

i miss home!! i miss greensboro! i miss my family and my friends and my youth group and my church. i miss my bed. i miss lucy, my dog! its strange having such mixed feelings. i do not want to go home.. i can't imagine leaving my YWAM family... but i want to go home. i want to see my family!! i love australia. i miss america. silly feelings!!

so every tuesday for the rest of DTS i will be going to a local elementary school to run a program called Extreme. basically we (shae, andy, ezra, martin, and tina) have 25 minutes to entertain kids and tell them about Jesus... while being politically correct! its usually really fun. we do dramas and skits and play crazy games. we also share simple stories about God and how he has worked in our lives. i love it. i'm already getting attached to their cute australian accents and yellow and green school uniforms. i just love having the opportunity to go there every week and build relationships with these kids and tell them about Jesus. there is nothing i'd rather do with my time.

so i've started paying my school fees!! its really exciting to have all my lecture fees taken care of!! but i still need about $1500 dollars for outreach... but i know God will provide. and i want to thank everyone who has supported my financially! i couldn't be here without y'all! i really, really appreciate it!!

lately i've been learning about trusting God. i mean, really trusting him. with your heart.that means being vulnerable with him... letting him in to see how you REALLY feel, not just what you want to let him see... not just what you think is presentable... no. i'm talking about letting God see your pain.. your heart. your wounds. letting him in. and its not something i've been able to do on my own... in my own strength, i am not able to allow God into those painful places... its too scary.. its too vulnerable.. but i can allow God to go in there in HIS strength (2 cor 12:9) and change me... its a hard things. its like... trusting him to help you trust him with those wounds. but its cool at the same time. you know the Psalm where it says "search me O God, and know my heart" (psalm 139:23, btw) well that is what is happening to me right now. not by my own strength, but by His, i'm letting God into those wounds... those vulnerable places that make you squirm and maybe even cry when you think about them. its funny how we say all these things to God about how we will do whatever he says and we are his to do whatever he wants with and how we give him our hearts... but we don't really. we always hold one (or more) thing back... that one wound that you just can't let go of... it hurts too bad. well i want to encourage you to trust god. go out on a limb. offer your heart on a platter. God won't let you down.


Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm,
for God can be trusted to keep his promise. -hebrews 10:23


you know what. even if heaven wasn't real, even if we all just went to hell when we died, or there was just nothing at all... i would still follow Jesus. he is so worthy. even if there was nothing in it for me.... i would still love my Jesus. God is good. hes not tame, but hes good.